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WWE Talent Wellness Program

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Effective from February 27, 2006 and as a result of the death of Eddie Guerrero the WWE implemented a broad Talent Wellness Program to stop anybody doing it again. The Program has two components: 1) an aggressive substance abuse and drug testing policy; and 2) a cardiovascular testing and monitoring program. The program was designed and is currently run by Dr. Mark, who Bryan Alvarez, in the past, has noted is not a mark doctor.

The main points of this program are:

  • Prohibits the non-medical use and associate abuse of prescription medications and performance-enhancing drugs
  • If you have a prescription from any person claiming to be a Doctor, then that’s fine, take the whole bottle.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
  • You can smoke all the hash you like, but don’t get caught speeding with a bong in one hand and some pills in the other.
  • You are not allowed to be fat unless its part of your gimmick
  • If you fail a test, you will be suspended for 30 days without pay, but still have to work house shows and TV.
  • A second positive test results in a 60-day suspension without pay or if you are not currently in a major program on TV, in-patient care at a substance abuse facility, during which the Talent also will be suspended without pay. Said talent will also be awarded the World title at some point (unless you're William Regal).
  • A third positive test results in termination and it serves you right for not finding a loophole by then.
  • Random testing will take place on the first Monday of each month, at around 5:47pm ET.
  • The WWE will be getting a third party to do all their testing, but if you have any problems, don’t worry, speak to Vince McMahon and he’ll sort it out.
  • Anybody found with less then 1:4 testosterone levels (four times higher then normal) will pass with flying colours. Between 1:4 and 1:10 will get a really nasty ticking off and a smack on the wrist. Between 1:11 and 1:58 will get you a stern and strict title push. A 1:59 will cause you to kill yourself and your family.
  • A 1:∞ testosterone level is perfectly normal for those undergoing Testosterone Replacement Therapy. No punishment will be administered for such results. This rule applies to the living as well as the dead.
  • Anybody found to have massacred their family, will automatically fail.
  • Any extra curricular activity associated with steroid use, for example murder, dying etc should only take place during news heavy weeks involving Paris Hilton.
  • Enjoy the Wellness~!

Updated RulesEdit

In August of 2007, as a result of Fat man's Unfortunate Incident, WWE introduced new rules of the Wellness Policy. They are as follows:

  • Marijuana smoking is strictly prohibited. If you are caught smoking marijuana, you will be given a 7 dollar fine, and will get a stern talking to.
  • A T/E ratio above 57:1 is frowned upon, but acceptable.
  • Birth Control pills have been added to the Wellness Policy. If you are a male, and are found to be using birth control pills, you will be pointed and laughed at.
  • All Wellness Policy violators will be named publicly on WWE.com, unless you are a main-eventer, midcarder, or semi-jobber. If you fall under one of those categories, the company encourages you to take some drugs. Bulk is good.
  • If you fail a Wellness Test, the company reserves the right to hold off punishment until after WWE gives you a false push, so as to make the company look good to the public.
  • Dr. Mark will still head the Wellness Tests. If you have taken illegal drugs lately, talk to him. You may have overpaid.
  • Continue to enjoy the wellness!
  • Gay men excite Vince McMahon. Oh Yeah!

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