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Satchelass

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Satchelass is what was used by Terry Funk in a promo prior to his match with Tommy Dreamer against Edge and Mick Foley at ECW One Night Stand 2006.

On the ECW.com Website Funk delivered a promo where he called for Foley to never refer to him as "Dad" again and in turn Funk would not call him "Son" instead deciding to come up with a more fitting name like "Satchelass" which Funk said was a term his father used to not trust a man who's ass was wider than his shoulders.

Funk then screamed "Satchelass" three times all with the camera guy in the background laughing, the full promo has been since taken down from the website but the exchange lives on as it is frequently played on The Bryan & Vinny Show along with various songs of the "Satchelass" drop such as "Shake Your Satchelass", "Achy Satchelass" and the Christmas Version "Grandma got run over by a Satchelass".


"Why, Mick? Why?

You could've been the People's Champion. You could've been somebody. You could've been special.

Everybody loved ya, Mick. But ya sold out. And now you're in the lion's den... Surrounded by the bones of ECW and its wrestler's and their broken hearts and broken dreams, Mick.

Funny thing about it, Mick. You're not the lion. You're not the jackal. You're not the wild dog gnawing on the bones. What you are is fresh meat.

Fresh meat for the real lion. Fresh meat for the real evil bastard, Vince McMahon. And he's gonna chew you up and spit you out on the highway to hell.

And you know what, Mick? I'm gonna be there on the side of the road waitin' on the stand. I'm not talkin' about the lemonade stand, I'm talkin' about the last stand. And I'm gonna put my arm around yer neck, and I'm gonna put my hand around your throat. And I'm gonna choke you Mick. And I'm gonna choke you and I'm gonna choke you until your eyeballs pop outta your head like two boiled eggs on springs. And I'm gonna pound on you and pound on you 'til your brains turn to marshmallows.

Now I wanna know one thing, Mick. What's your entree? Brains? Marshmallows? Hard boiled eggs? what?

Oh, and by the way, Mick... Don't ever call me Dad again. And I won't call you son. I'll come up with something appropriate... like um... like Satchel Ass.

My daddy always told me don't ever trust whose ass is wider than his shoulders and that seems to fit you, Foley...

SATCHEL ASS!
SATCHEL ASS!
SATCHEL ASS! "

Here is a visual interpretation of the mathematic Satchelass Principle: SATCHELGRAPH

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