Orlando Jordan
From Figure 4 Weekly
Orlando Jordan is a retired professional wrestler and intrepid time traveler. Jordan is best known for being a total jobber on WWE's SmackDown! brand, and especially for losing to Chris Benoit in less than thirty seconds on repeat occasions. After a series of such humiliating defeats, Jordan put his intellect to good work and devised a time machine, which allows him to visit any era. He has since disappeared from the wrestling scene and taken up time travel as a full-time occupation. It is widely rumored that the TV cult favorite, Doctor Who, is based upon Orlando Jordan himself.
...Yo.
[edit] Time Traveling Exploits
Since creating his time machine, Jordan has had amazing adventures into the past:
Beginning of time - First fully-developed male human being on Earth to procreate, making us all his descendants
0-Secretly made Mary preggers, leading towards Jesus and the slow demise of the jews
1066 - Killed King Harold II with arrow at the Battle of Hastings
1510 - Told Martin Luther "ya'll don't need to put up with no Roman Catholic bullshit"
1839 - Led the Amistad rebellion
1863 - Gave General Grant the Confederate Battle Plans in the Battle of Gettysburg
1888 - Was spotted in the Whitechapel area of London
1930's - Taught Marlon Brando how to act
1945 - Put at cap in Hitler's ass
1955 - Clonked Dr. Emmit Brown's head against a toilet. Brown then discovered the flux capacitor, which makes time travel possible. Jordan then stole his plans.
1960 - Sixth member of the Beatles. Ousted when John Lennon decided they didn't need a DJ to "mix them phat beatz"
1960's - Invented the Muppets; let Jim Henson take the credit for them
1968 - Partnered with UNIT and The Brigader to defeat an Invasion of Cybermen.
1975 - saved London from an invasion of dinosaurs.
1970's/80's - under the pseudonym "Grandmaster Flash", he was a pioneer of the rap movement
1983 - worked with all but the 4th Doctor to defeat Rassilon's evil scheme and save the universe. (The 4th Doctor was trapped in a time scoop.)
2007 - Defeated The Master under disguise as prime minister Harold Saxon with the help of Martha Jones and Captain Jack Harkness.
