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Hogan

Hulk Hogan 30th Century

Star of the professional wrestling program Hogan Knows Best.

Broke The Iron Sheik's heart.

Is known to have severe allergic reactions to sleeves.

Hulk Hogan rose to power in Japan, including drawing 200,000 fans to an arena that barely holds 20,000. While there wrestling Tatsumi Fujinami, he had to use his shooter skills on him to prevent the utterly incompetent Fujinami from exposing the business thus single handedly saving Japanese pro wrestling from disaster. Hogan later joined the WWE. Hogan changed the face of pro wrestling in America, as the sport dwelled in bingo halls and smoke-filled bars for years. After Hogan debuted, WWE consistently sold out 40,000 seat buildings.

Hogan gained his most fame in 1987, at WrestleMania III. Hogan wrestled Andre the Giant at the Pontiac SilverDome, in front of approximately 687,000 fans (although some insiders, most notably Dave Meltzer, claim the attendance was actually 93,173). Andre the Giant was notable for being 900 pounds and over 10-feet tall. Andre had been undefeated for 55 years at that point. During the match, which lasted an incredible 78-minutes, Andre decided to pass the torch. The finish of the match was in question, due to Andre being a prick. However, at the end of the battle, Andre looked up to Hogan and said "Slam me, boss." Hogan was stunned, but couldn't argue with Andre, as Andre died at that moment. So Hogan picked up the 900 pound Andre the Giant over his head, with one finger, twirled him around like a basketball, started juggling him with other giants, and then slammed him, causing the nearly 700,000 fans to go into shock. Hogan pinned Andre to win the WWF Title (which he already held, but... y'know). The match was given *****1/4 by Meltzer, and won all the Match of the Year awards that year. It is, to this day, the biggest match to ever take place, ever.

Hogan later went to WCW, and took them from small, smoke-filled bars, to drawing 400,000 fans at the Georgia Dome every Monday night. Hogan had tons of great ideas, but WCW decided to stop listening to him, and WCW died.

On the 1998 Thanksgiving episode of The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Hogan shocked the world by officially announcing his candidacy for President of the United States. He was even quoted as saying “Let me tell you something Jay, if there ever was a major terrorist attack on our shores, say somewhere in New York in mid September 2001, dude. I would call upon all the Hulkamaniacs, brotha and with my 24-inch pythons targeted on you Bin Laden I’m going to be training hard. I'm gonna be taking my vitamins. I'm going to be saying my prayers and let me tell you something terrorist dude, I wanna hurt you real bad brother!"

It was George W. Bush himself who persuaded Hogan’s two children to convince their father it is was too risky being President and any assassination attempts may hinder Brooke’s promising singing career. As a result, Brooke’s actions have been condemned across the nation, as this act of total selfishness on her part denied undoubtedly the greatest leader the United States ever had. At the point of his dropping out of the race, Hogan was in the lead in all straw polls. In fact, in the December 17th, 1998 New York Times Presidential Poll, Hogan was in the lead, with an incredible 124% of the vote.

Hogan then went to WWE and did some more great shit. He's now retired...OR IS HE?~!

Along with Eric Bischoff, is currently the #1 wrestling promoter on the planet. With his existence on Earth, TNA has managed to gross $590 billion since January 4th.

His ultimate plan for TNA's next "BIGGEST SHOW OF ALL TIME BROTHER," presumably due out at the end of March 2010, is to wrestle Ric Flair on Venus. Meltzer predicts a rating so enormous, he is unable to say what it is. If he ever does say what the rating will be, expect Armageddon (not this) and the fate of Mankind (not this) will be sealed. He is the current President of TNA.  The Hulkster is going start his own restaruant that will be Hooters times 10 rounded to the nearest decimal point
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The two guys who currently run TNA. I'm glad the hair plugs took Hulk.


  • Wrestled 500 times a year due due to always flying west and crossing the International Date Line. Because of this, he's gained 40 years on his life. His actual age is 96.
  • Broke his neck and actually died in 1974, during a match with The Undertaker after suffering a Tombstone Piledriver on the concrete. Hillbilly Jim and Cyndi Lauper were asked to be pallbearers at his funeral.
  • Known in Japan for his exciting moves including the Springboard Plancha and Shooting Star Press. In America he is best known for heart-stopping moves like the BACK RAKE and WEIGHT BELT WHIPPIN'
  • Recently revealed he no sold being shot in the head by Harley Race in 1979 on Twitter.
  • Broke up the Ted Turner and Jane Fonda marriage by running wild on Hanoi Jane's elderly snatch.
  • Made his first billion dollar payday selling Pastamania to Olive Garden in 1995.
  • Doesn't like the smell of dookie.
  • Ghostwriter for Metallica's songs until 1991, when he was fired for comparing how Sgt. Slaughter looked after dropping the big leg on him to Cliff Burton after the big bus was dropped on him.
  • Hogan's matches employ much more realistic psychology than Ric Flair's.
  • Defeated Rickson Gracie at PRIDE 1 via tapout to legdrops.
  • Used knowledge of fending off rape attempts by Iron Sheik to help son Nick fend of rape attempts in prison.
  • Is still ahead of Kim Jong Un as most hated man to befriend Dennis Rodman. Eddie Vedder is in third.
  • Was given falsified documents by Paul Wight in 1995 claiming he was Andre the Giant's son.
  • Robbed of Best Actor Oscar in 1996 for Santa With Muscles by the Alliance to End Hulkamania rigging the vote.
  • Is not a fan of those people.

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