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***** Matches

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***** Matches are rasslin encounters that a handful of maroons like Dave, The Mexican, Wade Keller and Scott Keith care about, but 99.999% of people who watch pro wrestling neither know nor care about.

Basically, a very small group of weebo fucktards believe that worked professional wrestling matches can be "graded" the same way as a movie. Exactly how this grading works has never been explained. Neither does the grading have anything to do with actual fan reaction. Matches that have tens of thousands of people on their feet cheering their lungs out have been given scores of "DUD", while heatless snoozefests have had The Mexican and Scooter Keefy masturbating furiously, and proclaiming them to be "***** MOTYC".

Only a select few matches will ever be given the "***** match" grade. What exactly sets these "***** matches" apart from say a plain-old "**** 999/1000 match"?

  • The match must be held in front of a small crowd, who are usually too "stupid" to realize that the match they are walking out on to go and make a piss is a "***** match".
  • The match must contain at least one of: a Horseman, a member of the Klique, a member of the Hart family, or some obscure Japanese indie geek who even Japanese wrestling fans have probably never heard of.
  • At least one REF BUMP.
  • Lots of false finishes, including guys trying to pin each other with backsldies, belly-to-back suplexes, and sunset flips.
  • Most viewers who watch it on television must not realize the importance of what they were watching, until after it is over, and they the see on the internet(or in a dirtsheet) that it was actually a "***** match", whereupon a small group of people will insist that they actually LOVED the match, even though they either went tog et a snack or fell asleep while they were watching it at the time.
  • A match that nobody bought a ticket, or PPV buy to watch. Even if it goes on last, everyone who is watching the show is actually watching for another match on the same card.....EXCEPT Dave, the Mexican, Scooter Keefy, and that pedophile Golden.
  • The match can then be used to "pad out" dozens of DVD and Blu-Ray sets with the promise that this "***** match" will be on the set, even though 99.9999% of the people who buy the DVD or Blu=Ray DON'T FUCKING CARE ABOUT THE MATCH OR THE FUCKING RETARDED "STAR-RATING SYSTEM".

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